FOR THOSE WHO “SUFFER” IN SILENCE

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If you have followed my writings for a while, you must have noticed that I don’t write about things I don’t know about, so it should come as a surprise if I speak for a people I don’t know. So I’d love to tell you early enough that I’m one of those who “suffer” in silence.

In case you’ve never understood the folly of this set of people, and you’re also not one who will suffer fools gladly kindly take an exception today and spare me a little out of your time.

Just before we go further, let me tell you that I was moved to write this because of a news item I saw recently. It said a young inspirational blogger committed suicide. Familiar story, right? That’s not the first time we are hearing such. Often we hear of a counsellor of the heart-broken, or a motivator of depressed people, or an inspirational pastor who committed suicide and it sets off all manner of discussions. Some say, how come s/he helped others but couldn’t help him/herself, others feel s/he was just faking it.

I have a different opinion from those listed above for why people who helped others find happiness are swallowed by sadness silently, but before I share my opinion, let me tell you why I “suffer” in silence. And really its not suffering in silence, its just that some of us are ‘wired’ to eat our humble pies the way it should be eaten- humbly. Its not like I don’t have friends/relatives I share my issues with, I do. I just don’t go into the nasty details. I will let you know I have an issue at hand and then I will make it look simple and sound like I’m on top of it even when I’m almost sinking under it. And, here are my reasons for acting the way I do:

1. I’m an introvert:
Now this is a tough one. A colleague of mine once argued with me on this. Sometimes, I also doubt that I’m one because I don’t tick on all the characteristics. So, let’s put it this way, I’m an outgoing introvert or maybe I am a repentant introvert.

An introvert’s first and best friend is his mind. The mind of an introvert is like the shell of a tortoise/snail, he withdraws there from time to time. Its the place where he feels most comfortable. So, when pain comes to an introvert, he withdraws inside.

When I withdraw inside, its not to brood over hurt, it is to gather strength. I don’t have suicide tendencies. I make sure I’m not too far from people that I begin to get “crazy” ideas. I’m rarely idle.

2. I’m an optimist:
I like to see the good sides of things. I love to look beyond the now. I’m one of those who will say the cup is half full rather than say half empty.

Largely because of my faith, I hate to say negative words. There are words I don’t ever use on myself – struggle, frustration, confusion. Difficult times are the periods when you tend to say all the negative things. Days when you’re torn between two decisions, when all doors seem shut against you, days when everyone seems to be against you, beep me on one of those days and rather than tell you how I truly feel, I will just tell you I’m having a super duper day . Sometimes, it looks like I’m faking it but I know I can change situations with my words, so I’d rather say what I want to see than say what I’m seeing.

3. I hate pity parties:
I have never been one to play weak so I can be pitied. Don’t get me wrong, I am no macho. I seriously advise that you read my earlier note – When I am weak to understand me. I’m a very emotional being and thus pity parties break me down. Seeing people cry or hear them pitying me sinks me more into the abyss of helplessness and that’s worse. That’s why a pity party is not something I look forward to. I am a realist and thus want practical solutions to issues, not just pity.

Just like I said earlier, its not exactly like we suffer in silence its just that some of us are not ‘made’ to shout out when we are under fire as some others do. And here is the problem about those who don’t shout out about their problem – people think their lives are void of problems. And that really is the big problem. There is no human life without one problem or the other.

Those who suffer in silence have problems just like everyone, people around them need to be soft on them, its mostly when people around them are hard on them that they trip over the cliff. So, here is my opinion about inspiring people who commit suicide – they did so because of the insensitivity and harshness of the people around them. It seems like I’m setting the blame game rolling?

You see, my worst days are not the days when I’m faced with a storm, they are the days when I’m trying to walk on water despite the storm and someone comes along to blame me for not caring. And I’m like – dude, I also need some care at the moment. My worst days are the days when I have had enough straws to break my camel’s back and still I manage to stand until someone feels like I don’t have enough burdens already and then goes ahead to blame me for being insensitive to his pains.

Here is my take, before you lash out at that friend or relative because you feel s/he doesn’t care enough, ask whether you’ve really cared about him/her? Whether you truly know what s/he is going through? It might just be that his/her head is deep in waters and s/he is trying to breathe fine, don’t make him/her drown.

This is my opinion and I might be wrong. If you think I am wrong, share your opinion here. Or you think there is something I missed, the comment box is open for your opinions.

I am @seunalade

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This entry was posted in 1001 TALKS, DIARY OF A WAYFARER, INSPIRATION. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to FOR THOSE WHO “SUFFER” IN SILENCE

  1. temitope says:

    People that we are close to always expect so much from us, e.g calling them 24/7 to know how they are doing, showing great concern about their affairs. I have a big cousin who was then a doctor and I was then a student, and he will be complaning that I don’t call, I wonder then, this is a person that doesn’t give me kobo and he is very rich, I have plenty issues I was dealing with. But ask me, does this cousin of mine ever ask me how I’m doing or ever called me? He never did. Thanks a lot for sharing this very wonderful reality.

  2. I thank God I read this…i might say am an introverted extrovert(whatever this means). I talk a lot but mostly, I never find it easy to voice out my real concerns and worries. Here is the problem with that, people tend to believe “you have no worries.”, so i shove it in, pretend nothing is really wrong and i keep entertaining as expected. This kills gently, subtly and quietly. I do not have the courage to take my life but I do believe I must have died inside a few times in the few years I have lived.
    I refuse from this day to say anything negative about pressing concerns no more. thanks.

  3. bobola says:

    I really love this piece. I am also an introvert. I bet, mine is worst than yours.

    It hurst when people don’t care about how you feel. The same people expect you to check on them. I also encounter stumbling blocks but instead of crying over it like a baby, I often sit, pray, think about it and somethings consult friends. Over the years, I have come to agree with the saying ” a problem shared is half solved”. This is true to some extent.

    I recently consulted a friend concerning a pressing issue. His advice was like quenching a blazing fire with an extinguisher.

    Beside sharing my problems with friends, I have found solace in reading books; inspirational, autobiographies etc. I studied the lifes of those that have gone through challenges in life and how they over came it.

  4. Adetola says:

    Thank you for sharing this piece, this is reality. This piece really describe me, mine also had to do with trust issues. I don’t trust people easily so I find it difficult sharing my problems. Saying positive words really help and thank God we know Christ.

  5. Shana says:

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  6. Hello! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really enjoy your content.
    Please let me know. Many thanks

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